New Baby: The arrival of a newborn is one of the most exciting times for a family. But for your firstborn, it’s all quite sudden, their world upside down. That’s enough for them to take in: new life with a baby means routines and attention are shifted, and emotions are transferred as well.
As a parent, you want your child to be loved, respected and included as they move on. But how do you welcome a new sibling so they’re not afraid but excited?
If you’re concerned about your kid’s reaction to a new sibling, don’t be—people do. Actually, it’s one of the most recurring quandaries we face in the build-up to our second (or third!) child.
Fortunately, there are easy and successful strategies to both make the transition easier for your firstborn and ring in the new baby to your family. Now, let’s take a look at some thoughtful suggestions on how you can prepare your child for this big step and make the whole process more fun for all of us.
1. Begin Preconversing About the New Baby Soon.
The more you can talk to your baby about the new baby earlier than later it will be easier. And many parents wait until baby is on the way before suggesting it to their older kid. That can make you lost and even be jealous or fearful. Rather, begin to talk about the baby first-time around, before your due date.
Disturb the baby in a language your child can understand. Apply age-appropriate terms and emphasize that this is the next big thing. As your child gets older, you could say:
– “You will be a big brother/sister in no time!”
– “We’re going to have a baby in the family!”
– “The baby will be so lucky to have you as big sister/brother”.
Make it a practice before the concept has been introduced so your child has an opportunity to process the idea. For little ones, picture books that feature new brothers and sisters can help them to see the transition and interpret it as fun and healthy.
2. Encourage Them To Help Prepare for the Baby.
Make your child feel like they are a part of the baby’s nursery makeover. That’s what helps them think of the baby as a good gift, not a threat to their status in the family. From choosing baby clothes to laying the baby down in the crib to decorating the baby’s room, ask them to be involved.
If your first child can’t be left behind in the planning, they won’t feel left behind when the baby comes. You can say things like:
– “You will be so great when baby comes.
– “And this little ones is, we’re going to need your help to store it in the baby’s room!
Your child’s making small decisions such as what toy the baby will receive or helping choose baby things also create ownership and excitement. Even if they are too little to help, if you tell them what’s going to happen and ask for their input, they will feel included.
3. Re-Assert Their Big Brother/Sister Duress Position.
The “big brother” or “big sister” situation is exciting, but sometimes a bit scary, for a child. You want to make them feel special and proud of their new job. Give them kudos for being “such a good helper” and “such a great big sibling” when they play with the baby.
And if you’re lucky, you might even buy them a “big sibling” present the day you bring the new baby home. It doesn’t need to be huge, it could be something small and special like a new book or shirt or even a game that they can do while you watch the baby.
4. Be Honest About the Changes
You don’t want to stress out your child about the negative parts of the move, but you also don’t want them to not like the change that’s happening. And you can bet that your child is slightly jealous or even scared that they will no longer have your full attention. And let’s not deny that!
Tell your child that for a time things will be different, but know they’re loved. There are parents who have a countdown calendar showing you how long until the baby arrives. It can provide your child with a way to visualise the new addition and that it is about to happen.
For example, you might say:
– “Sometimes babies cry a lot and they demand so much. We still love you no less. We’ll all get lots of time to ourselves”.
Reassurance is key here. Kids do better when they know what to expect, and that will set them up for whatever emotional changes will happen after the baby arrives.
5. Don’t Tell Your Kid How to Be a Big Sibling If You Can’t Show ‘em!
Most kids know in some hazy way what a “new baby” looks like but don’t necessarily know how it actually looks. Have baby friends or family members that you might consider inviting to visit so your child knows from the start what being a baby can feel like.
You can look to a lot of resources, even if you don’t know anyone who has a newborn. You might for instance find big brother/sister picture books to teach about being a big sibling that tell you what babies are like and how a big sibling can support them. Books to check out are Mercer Mayer’s The New Baby or Joanna Cole’s I’m a Big Brother.
This makes your child learn to have realistic expectations rather than being shocked by the facts that there is a crying, eating, or always sleeping baby.
6. Prepare for Mixed Emotions
And when the baby comes, don’t be surprised to find your firstborn full of emotion. They might be thrilled, jealous, bewildered or annoyed. Such ambivalence is completely normal, so don’t panic. If they want to show up or behave a little (eg, want a bottle, need to be held like a baby), that’s usually just an expression of their desire for support and love.
Don’t let your child feel any other way than they feel. Give them a lot of 1:1 time even if it’s just for minutes here and there. That can tell them that, although they might not be like that anymore, they are still in the family.
Be patient with yourself as a parent too. There is no shortcut to a newborn and a toddler or young child. Don’t be shy to seek support from friends and family when you want a break or extra handouts.
7. Reinforce the Positive
Things are going to not always go as planned, like when your first child rebels or is distant. And when that happens, you need to hammer home the positives. Good for them because they are a big brother or sister and they help out, they are a good boy/girl.
It’s also helpful to have family rituals that include your older child as they can be more secure. For example, you might say:
– “If baby is napping it’s Mommy or Dad. We can read your favorite book together!”.
– “Let’s go for a walk at the park after the baby has had her dinner, it’s our time.
You give your baby structure, you show love, and you ease your infant through the new dynamics.
8. Acknowledge Your Own Feelings
It is easy as a parent to just focus on the kids. But don’t forget about yourself either. And the move to having another child is a rollercoaster for parents, too. From adjustment to lack of sleep to managing two kids — it’s normal to get overwhelmed sometimes.
Ask other parents who experienced this, or even sign up for parenting forums or support groups. That knowing that you aren’t alone can be a world of difference.
Final Thoughts
If your child gets a new sibling it is a major adjustment, but it does not need to be one that is hard. If you’re ready, involve your firstborn and tell them they’re loved, it will make it as easy as possible for them to transition. Take it slow and fun, and your child will begin to see the new sibling as a partner instead of a rival.
To read more parenting expert tips and advice on how to prepare your child for a new sibling, visit leading parenting resources such as [Parents.com](https://www.parents.com/) or [What to Expect](https://www.whattoexpect.com/).