Have you ever watched your child collapse after doing something different and say, “Well, there it is. They won’t even think of doing that again”? We’ve all been there. Kids always get caught out when riding a bike, solving a difficult math problem, or forming a new friend.
If we were to tell you that failure is how you unlock their full potential? Yes, you heard that right.
But what if, instead of resisting the challenge, your child was ready for it? What if they knew every mistake was just a step on the road to triumph? This “growth mindset” mindset will help turn your child from someone who does not want to fail into one who embraces it.
Indeed, children with a growth mindset are more likely to develop resilience, grit, and the ability to excel at whatever they choose.
So,, how can we nurture this superpower in our children? Let’s explore it and find some take-aways you can implement today. We’ll discuss everything you need to know to support your child’s growth mindset, from the right kind of self-talk to encouraging hard work over achievements. And don’t worry, it’s not so hard.
What is a Growth Mindset?
Before the “how-to,” let’s briefly explain what we are trying to accomplish with a growth mindset. The psychologist Carol Dweck developed the growth mindset, which relies on the concept that intelligence, abilities, and talent are not innate but can be developed with time, practice, and persistence.
Instead, a fixed mindset presumes that everyone comes born with some fixed intelligence or skill and that no effort will alter that. Fixed-mind children can easily quit in the face of obstacles because they “just” “aren’t good enough”.
But grow-minded kids? They see challenges as growth opportunities. They also understand they will fail because failure is part of the learning curve. That attitude can empower them to tackle anything – and that’s precisely what we want for our kids.
1. Embrace the Power of “Yet”
It’s also one of the easiest and most efficient ways to build a growth mindset: ” Yet.” Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” tell your child, “I can’t do this yet.”
It’s a small word change that can affect children’s attitudes about their capabilities. If you use “yet,” you’re letting your child know that they don’t have the skill “yet,” but with time and effort, they definitely will.
Studies confirm that such growth language makes kids feel they have capacities that can be cultivated and that they need to work harder at learning than to flinch from it. So the next time your kid says, “I’m bad at math,” reply: “Well, you might not be a pro yet, but you’ll get better.”
2. Exalt the Process, Not the Result.
When your child gets it right, wanting to cheer them on is easy. But here’s the trick to cultivating a growth mindset: applaud effort, not accomplishment.
You teach them that hard work wins by emphasising your child’s effort, grit, and plan. For instance, instead of telling your child, “You’re so smart!” when they score A on a test, say, “You tried so hard, and it really worked!” This helps your child realize that success is not the result of being born with great abilities but if you’re willing to work hard and stay focused.
This is necessary because children who are admired for their natural talents might develop a fear of failure that it will be a “suggestion.” However, when acknowledged for achieving, they will be willing to push through the challenges and persist through defeat.
3. Normalize Mistakes and Celebrate Learning
You don’t have to fear making a mistake. Learning happens. Indeed, children often get taught to associate failure with mistakes, which can be negative. But the reality is that failure isn’t the reverse of success; it’s the result of success.
Help your child to accept mistakes as a form of self-development. Your child should always learn from their mistakes, whether on a project, a game, or even an argument with a friend. Celebrate how hard they’ve tried, and remind them that they can make mistakes as long as they’re open to learning.
For instance, if your child gets a question wrong on a test, instead of explaining the error, tell them, “Ok, that’s one way we know what doesn’t work. How will we improve next time?” This prompts them to reflect on mistakes and use them as learning opportunities.
4. Set Goals, Not Just Grades
It’s easy to use grades to indicate achievement, but it’s much more productive to help your child set individual, self-directed goals. Goals such as “I want to learn how to read better” or “I want to be able to do more difficult math” are more growth-driven than grade-point or achievement-based goals.
Encourage your child to break big goals into smaller ones to foster this mindset. This allows them to track how far they are coming and remain driven, even if the big goal is far away. It’s a love of the act, not the product.
A “growth journal” is a great tool to use for this. Have your child record what they are working toward, what they’re learning to do to make it happen, and what can be learned along the way. That way, they can see themselves progressing and be encouraged when things get tough.
5. Model a Growth Mindset Yourself
Children can take so much from the adults around them. Living it yourself is the only way your child will develop a growth mindset. Be transparent about your setbacks and missteps, and share how you bounce back with your child.
For example, if you have a challenging project at work and are getting stuck, say, “This is difficult, but I’m going to stick with it. I can figure it out with some more effort.” If you model a positive development mindset in your own life, your child will model it.
Remember, it’s okay to fail! By teaching a growth mindset, you’re also allowing your child to fail without feeling guilty. They’ll understand that failure is not an option and that they’re given the courage to fail.
6. Use Challenges to Build Resilience
You can defend your child from trouble, but the challenge makes them resilient. If challenged, growth-minded kids work through challenges and come up with solutions. But fixed-minded kids might not dare to take risks because they don’t think they can do it.
To develop strength, allow your child to face problems on their own. Take a couple of tries; they will grow with persistence and the ability to figure things out. In assembling a tricky puzzle or practising a challenging instrument part, challenge shows kids that they can do more than they imagine.
7. Encourage a Love of Learning
Lastly, the best practice for developing a growth mindset is to have a passion for learning. Growth-minded children want to learn new things, and this curiosity keeps them growing.
You can cultivate this learning passion in your child by exposing them to different activities, books, interests and experiences. Make learning fun! Kids keen to learn and try something new will embrace learning and look at making mistakes as learning.
Conclusion
The path to a growth mindset is not always easy, but with the right resources and guidance, your child can unlock their full potential and gain the strength and courage they need to succeed.
From teaching us to define a mistake differently to valuing effort over accomplishment, there are endless ways to foster your child’s growth mindset. The trick is being consistent, patient, and encouraging a bit.
When you give yourself the growth mindset to do this, by making space for effort and perseverance, you’re giving your child the ability to challenge themselves and keep growing—even when it’s hard. So, let’s stop chasing the end result and start embracing the process. All great successes come with some road bumps, right?
If you’re ready to read more about raising your child with a growth mindset, read this Psychology Today article on the science of mindset and learning: [Growth Mindset and Success](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/growth-mindset).
So, go ahead – let your child become the superman!