Hey there, parent extraordinaire! You’re ready to make your kid responsible, but the truth is, it isn’t always as easy as that. We’ve all had those times where your child drops their shoes in the corridor, forgets his lunch box, or never gets around to doing their chores.
This stuff might leave you wondering what sort of super-parent you are. But don’t worry—there are others like you, and the good news is that teaching responsibility is a lot easier (and more entertaining) than you might think.
You can have an effective child if you’re looking for how to have a child who will get things done, knows their role, and owns up to what they do. We will walk through the process in this article and break down how you can teach responsibility in a simple, efficient and, shockingly, fun way for both you and your child. Ready? Let’s dive in!
Start Small: Age-Appropriate Responsibilities
People assume that children have to be grown up to learn responsibility. Children can do much more than we think they can—even toddlers! Begin with little age-appropriate activities, increasing as they get older.
An example of how a toddler can support is by putting toys away after they have been played with. When they are older, it can be feeding the family dog, setting the table, or washing the dishes.
Be sure that the activities are not too difficult for your child and are appropriate for their age. These earliest obligations are vital because they teach children to be regular and responsible from an early age.
Tip: Make tasks fun! Make cleaning a game or a contest. This makes responsibility seem like play, a surefire way to keep them busy. A little hoop dance as well! Kids love to be recognised for their actions, even if it’s just “Better job putting your toys away!”
If you want to read more about building independence and responsibility in young children, read this [Raising Children Network post](https://raisingchildren.net.au/guides/teach-your-child-to-be-independent) on building independence early on.
Model Good Behavior: Children Learn by Experimenting – And Watching!
This is reality: your kids are watching you. And they are not, though you may think they are too busy playing the new video game or watching TV. The responsibility you set in front of your child must also be modelled on you.
Your child will know if you are time-wise, if you do your own housework, if you own up to your mistakes. Children imitate parents, so the more responsible you are, the more they will imitate you.
Hint: Show your kid what duty actually looks like in the real world. If you have something to be responsible for, such as project management or bills, get them on board. Invite them to do things like filing papers or packing the groceries, and have them see how you handle time and work.
From [Verywell Family](https://www.verywellfamily.com/model-responsibility-for-kids-3288749)Courtesy [Verywell Family][https://www.verywellfamily.com/model-responsibility-for-kids-3288749] Kids learn by watching, so being responsible yourself will help them follow suit.
Learn the Consequences Power of Themselves.
A way of learning to hold others responsible is to learn what goes into what they do and why. If your child doesn’t remember to do something, like take out the trash, don’t rush to do it for them. Let them live out the natural effects of their behaviour.
You have, for instance, a child who does not pack his or her lunch for school and is left with whatever’s on offer at the cafeteria. Or maybe they’ll have to eat for a while. The trick is to let them feel the natural effects of forgetting rather than come to “save” them. It gets them to think twice next time.
Lesson: Make sure punishment is natural and not punishment. For instance, rather than penalize your child for leaving their room uncleaned, let them live through the misery of sleeping with it dirty. This teaches them that things do pay off.
[Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201806/the-importance-of-natural-consequences) discusses natural consequences as key in teaching children responsibility. It’s a great read to get an idea of how to go about this.
Have Specific Goals and Give Rules to Work
Consistency matters when teaching responsibility. When your child doesn’t know what they are expected to do, they may have difficulty doing the job. Simple routines — Clearly defined routines promote responsibility.
First, create a schedule where you write down exactly what to do each day. Do checklists, chore charts or calendars with tasks listed. For example, they might have learned that after school, they must go do homework, clean their room, and put the dinner table together. Children get what’s expected of them and when it needs to be done.
Hint: Try to make expectations clearer with charts or stickers. Once children can see where they’re going, they are encouraged to follow through.
Learn more about structure and routines to instil responsibility with kids on [The Child Mind Institute](https://childmind.org/article/creating-routines-for-kids-with-anxiety/).
Help People Problem Solve: Have Them Think It Through.
Reminding your child to consider what they’re doing and what they might be doing is one step in building responsibility as your child gets older. Do not rush to fix it for them. Let them do it themselves.
So, for instance, if your kid doesn’t do homework, don’t get all panicky immediately. Rather, ask them what they can do to rectify it. Or should they ask the teacher for an extension or spend the next break doing the homework? Let them decide on a solution, and then review how they won’t make the same mistake again.
Pro Tip: Nurture them without dominating. Pose open-ended questions such as, “How do you think you’re going to manage this?” This makes them think for themselves and become problem-solvers (one of the core components of responsibility).
For more ideas on encouraging children to think critically and solve problems, visit [PBS Parents](https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/5-ways-to-encourage-kids-to-solve-their-own-problems).
Make Responsibility Energetic and Fun.
Let’s face it: responsibility is a bit of a dull word. Kids will be more willing to do the right thing when it’s fun and rewarding. That doesn’t mean you should buy them toys or treats, but it does mean that you need to acknowledge what they’re doing and treat it less like work.
Perhaps, for instance, you would make cleaning into a family competition: everyone has trouble picking up all the toys in five minutes. You might also reward them to get their jobs done.
Or maybe they get a sticker for each task they accomplish, and when they accumulate x number of stickers, they get something like additional screen time or an extra outing.
Recommendation: Praise your child for his or her efforts, even if he doesn’t always nail it. They will grow with positive reinforcement, and they will start to accept more responsibilities.
[The American Academy of Pediatrics](https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2020/05/11/peds.2020-0725) shares tips on motivating children with reward and praise.
Build Self-Direction: Make Them Own It.
Resilience is all about self-sufficiency, after all. Help your child own what they are doing, when they are done and on time. Begin with the small, with the day-to-day routines, and eventually progressively take over the decisions.
Do small things such as getting their bag ready for school or picking out their day’s clothes. You can raise the ante with them as they grow older to take care of their own homework or clean up after their family without being asked.
Pro Tip: The more independence you give them, the more responsible they will be. Remember, they will fall short, and that’s OK! Making mistakes is learning.
[Child Development Institute](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com) has a lot of good tips for making children independent.
The Bottom Line: Take It Slow and Carry On.
Teaching responsibility doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s about giving your child something from their life that will enable them to run their own affairs. It’s a process that takes time, persistence, and a lot of pushing. But as time passes, your child will grow up to be a self-sufficient and responsible adult.
So stop right there and breathe: you got this. Use these tips as a guide, be consistent, and above all, have fun doing it. Being a good parent isn’t a once-and-for-all. One tiny step at a time, you’re setting them up for success in the future.
Learn more about raising responsible children from professionals at [Raising Children Network](https://raisingchildren.net.au) and [Verywell Family](https://www.verywellfamily.com).
Happy parenting!